Goodbye, Jacob

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This story contains themes of mental illness, depression, suicide, and grief. It explores sensitive topics including self-harm and emotional trauma. Please take care while reading, and know you are not alone. If you are struggling, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or support service.

Goodbye, Jacob

They were never meant to be together. Even the universe made sure of that. What happened between them never should have happened. But it did. And now, she is the one left carrying the guilt and the pain, while he can rest.

He’ll never face judgment. Never be called out or made to answer for anything. But she will.

Lucy had a boyfriend. On the outside, it looked like the perfect relationship. But in reality, it was toxic.

She wasn’t well—mentally or emotionally. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know how to help. Didn’t know how to listen.

Lucy didn’t fully understand herself either, but she knew one thing—she just needed someone to be there. Not to fix her, not to ask questions. Just be there. Just listen. But no one would. She was self-destructing, and she was alone while it was happening.

Jacob was just a lad she went to college with. Nothing more than that. He had a girlfriend—a kind, beautiful girl with the purest heart. She didn’t know how much Jacob was suffering. He hid it well, unlike Lucy. He was the guy everyone admired: talented, smart, attractive.

But deep down, he was crumbling too. Life wasn’t as perfect as he made out to be, and no one could see it.

That’s how Lucy and Jacob happened.

Two broken people found comfort in each other.

It started at a house party. Lucy didn’t want to go. She just wanted to disappear. But her boyfriend was fed up with her depressive state and told her to go. That’s how she ended up there.

It was actually a good party. Lucy managed to control herself by drinking an excessive amount. So did Jacob. By the early hours, everyone had passed out. Lucy and Jacob were left outside—smoking, drinking, hurting.

Lucy broke down in front of him, poured her heart out in tears.

And Jacob stayed.

He sat beside her, listening.

Then, when she was done, he spoke.

He was going through it too—the same demons, the same darkness.

For a brief moment, their pain turned into something else.

They held each other. Clothes were removed. Bodies tangled together.

Two souls desperate to feel anything other than pain.

When the moment was over, they both sobered quickly, realising what had just happened. They vowed to never speak of it again, to never do it again.

But that was a lie.

Whenever they could, they fell back into each other’s arms.

For those brief, stolen moments, nothing else mattered—not their partners, not the guilt, not the brokenness of the world.

Only the fleeting feeling of something that felt better than the pain.

Lucy began to fall in love with Jacob. She even told him.

But he dismissed it. He never answered. It was like he didn’t understand what she was saying.

Was he scared to admit he felt the same?

Or was she just comfort to him—the only one who truly saw his pain?

It broke her. She felt humiliated.

She needed him. Wanted him. She would have ended her toxic relationship in a heartbeat—if she knew Jacob would catch her when she fell.

But she stayed. Because Jacob didn’t want her that way. Or at least, he made out he didn’t. He would never leave his girlfriend, and Lucy felt she could never leave her boyfriend. Because without someone to go to, she feared being alone more than anything.

If she lost her boyfriend and Jacob, she would have nothing.

And if she was truly alone… she might not survive. Her mind whispered terrible things—things she didn’t want to hear, let alone act on.

She never wanted to die.

But she feared that loneliness might one day make the choice for her.

The dark thoughts never left. They whispered to her that she would always need someone. Anyone.

Eventually, Lucy had enough. She ended whatever they had—unless he changed his mind. She felt like she was being used. It started to weigh heavily on her.

She didn’t care if they got caught. That never scared her. She just wanted him.

But she never said a word to anyone. She may not have cared, and Jacob may or may not have loved her, but she didn’t want him to get hurt.

So, they went their separate ways and didn’t speak for three months.

Then, one night, he came to her.

She woke to find him at the end of her bed, soaking wet from the storm outside.

She whispered his name.

He turned, his face drenched—not just from the rain, but from tears.

He lurched forward and hugged her tightly, ice cold against her warmth.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered.

“I’ve fucked up,” he said. “I’ve really fucked up.”

Was he confessing? Had he told his girlfriend? Had something happened?

Lucy stroked his damp hair, trying to soothe him. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay,” she said. She had missed him. Missed his presence. It felt good to have him back in her arms.

Then he loosened his hold and looked at her, smiling—a sad, haunting smile.

“Goodbye, Lucy.”

And then he kissed her.

Before she could question what he meant, everything went dark.

The next morning, sunlight streamed through the curtains.

He was gone.

She assumed it had been a dream. It felt so real. And it hurt, because it had been the happiest she’d felt in months.

She went to college as normal. But later that day, she found out Jacob had died—by his own hand.

The reality didn’t hit until she was home, alone.

That’s when she cried.

He had left her. Her only real support in the world—gone.

Was that why he said goodbye in her dreams? But was it a dream? It felt so real.

She blamed herself.

She hadn’t been there.

She knew how he suffered. She understood him. But she didn’t help. She had been hurt that he didn’t love her back.

But maybe he did. He never said he didn’t.

She would never know.

At his funeral, Lucy was filled with emotions she couldn’t express.

She watched his girlfriend be comforted by others while she mourned in silence.

She loved him too. But no one knew.

She was just the secret.

The “other woman.”

And if everyone knew the truth, no one would comfort someone like her.

It made her angry, too.

Everyone spoke like they knew him. But they didn’t.

She did. She knew why he did it. She knew the darkness he endured.

But she stayed quiet. She didn’t want to ruin Jacob’s reputation.

Her own boyfriend eventually left her. He couldn’t cope with her grief, her spiraling moods.

She was alone—her worst nightmare.

And so, one night, she tried to join Jacob.

But she survived.

At the time, she was devastated. She wanted it to work. She wanted the emotions to end.

But she had to carry on.

No one ever knew what she had done.

And no one ever would.

As the years passed, the demons and darkness that haunted her teenage years began to ease. She started to understand them more.

The longer she was alone, the quieter the voices became.

She began to keep better company—people who understood.

Eventually, she realised she didn’t need a knight in shining armour to save her. She just needed herself.

The pain of losing Jacob never went away. She still thought of him most days. But she learned to live with it.

She still wished she could have saved him. She imagined stopping him that night, imagining a future where he said he loved her back and they lived a quiet, happy life.

But this was reality.

He was gone.

He wasn’t coming back.

He was the only one who understood her.

And she was the only one who truly understood him.

It took years to visit his grave. She hadn’t gone after the funeral. She watched others walk to the graveyard, but she couldn’t face it.

One day, she found the courage.

She stood staring at the weather-worn headstone. Beneath her feet, deep in the cold earth, was the man she had loved.

She closed her eyes and remembered that vivid dream—or maybe it was something more.

That night he came to her.

That night he said goodbye.

But she had never replied.

Opening her eyes, tears forming, she took a shaky breath. Her voice cracked as she finally whispered,

“Goodbye, Jacob.”

Word of thought

Please check on the friend who smiles the most.   The one who always seems to have their life together.  The one who laughs the loudest.  Or even the friend who’s become a little quieter lately… a little calmer… a little less afraid.  In my experience, these are often the ones fighting silent battles and struggling to keep going.  Smile at the stranger.  Say hello to the old gentleman walking with a stick.  Offer kindness — it might seem small to you, but it could make a world of difference to someone else.  And if you are that friend… that stranger… the one quietly battling your demons and feeling like you’re losing — Please know, you’re not. I’ve been there. And I’m still here.  You’re allowed to rest between fights, but promise me this: get back up. Try again.
You are never truly fighting alone. 💜

If you have been affected by the themes in this story, please know that you are not alone. It’s okay to reach out for support — whether through a trusted friend, a helpline, or a mental health professional.

Your healing matters. 💜

You could also add a UK-specific helpline below that, like:

📞 Samaritans UK – Call 116 123 (free, 24/7)
💻 www.samaritans.org

💔 This is just the beginning…

A longer, exclusive version of Goodbye Jacob—with new scenes and deeper insight—is coming soon to Amazon Kindle.

Stay tuned for updates.

Thank you so much for reading 💜

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© 2025 Louise C Kay. All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without permission.