Facing my Social Media Fears

A bit different to what I usually do, but I decided to jump my fears and post on TikTok. I’ve posted a couple of times on Instagram and Pinterest (yes, I have no followers or likes — hey ho). But TikTok was the app that scared me the most.

Why does it scare me? Maybe it’s the hate that comes with it. We’ve all seen the comments. Honestly, I cry for random people when I see what’s written about them. It physically hurts. It might sound silly when I write it down, but those fears are real. They make my chest tight, my finger hesitate, and my heart race. Social media is loud, and sometimes I feel like a very quiet person just trying to find her space in it.

But then again, I was scared to start blogging too — in case I got hate, in case people said I don’t write the “proper way.” I use words publishers hate. That’s why I went straight to becoming an indie author. I don’t write the way we were taught at school. If writing has rules, how can I ever express myself? (Yes, I know… it sounds cringy.) So I did it anyway — and no harm has come to me (yet).

I have dyslexia, and I use AI to help with grammar, punctuation, and clarity. I know some people don’t like writers using AI. But here’s the truth: my writing matters more than my fear. Writing has always been the way I process the world, the way I express myself when speaking feels impossible. I don’t write to impress critics or chase perfection. I write to connect. To heal. To tell stories that come from the rawest parts of me.

I couldn’t afford an editor, and I’ve kept myself hidden behind a name that isn’t mine, so I couldn’t ask family or friends for help. This is a secret I’ve kept to myself. That’s when I realised — why am I scared to post? No one even knows it’s me. It’s just my logo and my pen name. Yet every time I hover over the “post” button, the same questions circle my mind:

• What if no one likes it?
• What if people laugh?
• What if I get hate?

So I posted anyway. Yes, it was still scary. And last time I checked, I had over 187 views and 1 like (I know, embarrassing). But I did it. And I’ll keep pushing myself through the scary things.

Because my dream is bigger than a few strangers’ opinions. I dream that one day I can support myself and my family with writing, and finally leave my current emotionally draining job. I dream of a country cottage and the chance to travel. Will it happen? I don’t know. But I know it definitely won’t if I let insecurities and fear keep holding me back.

Most of my life, I’ve let people take my dreams away — telling me I’m not good enough, telling me I’m nothing. That’s why I gave up on performing arts, my very first dream. I’m too old to go back to that now. But I’ve always written — my dreams, my past, my pain — as a way to try to understand the cruelty of the world. One day, I thought: why don’t I turn this into fiction? Maybe my stories will be boring. Or maybe, just maybe, someone will read one and think: yes, I get it.

If you want to support me on this journey, you can check out my novella Goodbye Jacob, now available on Amazon. Or, if you’d like to fuel me with caffeine and courage, you can buy me a coffee. Every little bit means the world — not just for the support, but as a reminder that someone out there believes in what I’m doing.

So if you’ve ever been scared of putting yourself out there too, know you’re not alone. I’m scared too. But I’m doing it anyway. 💜

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